Derek Haines's blog

The Indie Book Collective

I wrote and article recently for The Indie Book Collective about my up and down experiences in book marketing. If you are considering publishing your own book, it may give you a few clues as to the do’s and don’t’s on promoting your own book.


The Indie Writer Route

For those writers who are ready for a challenge, ‘Indie’ or self publishing, is a viable alternative to traditional publishing. For one thing, rejection letters are a thing of the past. Secondly, you get you book published much faster. However, be prepared to work like you have never worked before if you decide the ‘Indie’ route is for you. You will be editor, proofreader, designer and your very own general factotum 24/7. …. Click to the full story....




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The Silly Name Game

One of the great passions I have in my writing, apart from childish alliterations, double negatives and avoidance of long complicated sentences, is inventing names for my characters. Especially the ones that pop into the story for only a chapter or two. With my main characters I use a little decorum and give them half sensible names as it makes it easier for me to remember them. And spell them as well.

However, with the extras I can have some fun. Often I just randomly select a letter of the alphabet and see what goes with it. Just yesterday, I introduced a little man servant type character who will only survive a chapter or two. Selecting the letter A, I then went hunting on my keyboard for more letters. A consonant seemed appropriate, followed by a vowel naturally.

I ended up with a lovely little man called Adiddle. It will need to be seen if little Adiddle survives after the first draft, as many of my silly name selections often get chopped in the editing stages. However, I have a little premonition that Adiddle might just survive. He probably stands a better chance than Sergeant Sipply Snikkle, Lieutenant Hibril Likklet and General Durrgan Dirrth.

Others though might make the grade and get their names in print. I think Snurd Humped is a natural as well as Tylonilic Arundaplast. But two maids, Hergla and Migla might get re-baptised.

I love being a writer. What power!

Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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Will The Real Derek Haines Please Stand Up

Cyberspace really does have some warp fields, time shifts and black holes.

Just as Captain Kirk and the SS Enterprise discovered, each new answer just brings a whole bunch of new questions to keep the series going. New characters from time to time, plus the regular group to make one feel comfortable. A dash, but not too often of a bad guy or gal, just to balance the universe. Somedays comfortably cruising at warp factor one, while once in a while the temptation to give it a blast has you asking Scotty for a burst of warp factor seven, and let’s see what happens and where we end up.

Then a little hint of trouble on the horizon has you reaching for the security of your force field shields. Usually just a tad late though, and some strange creature manages to teleport itself onto your bridge seconds before your force fields are up or your coffee is ready.

So what has all this nonsense got to do with me?

Very little in fact, it was just that when I started to write this blog, I wrote the title, got interrupted, and then when I got back to it I had a Star Trek moment. So now I need to find a cunning way to combine the two in the rest of this blog post to make it look like I know what I am doing. I will probably have to use some similes and a few Spock - Haines personality comparisons. Well, I suppose I would start with the ears.

Or I could ignore what has happened and do a select all - delete. Probably the best idea. Right, here we go!

Oh damn. I think I hit publish by mistake. Sorry.

Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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Derek's Author Page

Bitterness Is Sweet

The word bitterness has some wonderfully colourful synonyms. Try these for size. Resentment, rancour, indignation, grudge, spite, sullenness, sourness, churlishness, moroseness, petulance, pique, peevishness; acrimony, hostility, malice, virulence, antipathy, antagonism, enmity, animus, friction, vitriol, hatred, loathing, venom, poison, nastiness, ill feeling, ill will and of course, bad blood.

As a writer these words inspire my imagination and give me more than enough fodder to start clacking away on my keyboard as I conjure up situations where these gloriously wicked words can be played out in my characters’ emotions. I can tease them and play with their minds and reactions to meet my writing ends. What better lexical playground to plot murder, revenge and ‘lip licking’ criminal plots.

However, even though we all espouse sweetness and friendliness in our own lives, the words that describe these feeling are just plain insipid.

When you put them together it just makes a writer want to literally throw up. So sickeningly sweet are they. Look at this awful gooey list. Amiable, genial, congenial, cordial, warm, affectionate, demonstrative, convivial, companionable, sociable, gregarious, outgoing, comradely, neighbourly, hospitable, approachable, easy to get on with, accessible, communicative, open, unreserved, easygoing, good-natured, kindly, benign, amenable, agreeable, obliging, sympathetic, well-disposed, benevolent; informal chummy, buddy-buddy.

Oh give me bitterness any day and save the sweetness for dessert recipes.

Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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The Imagination Gland

I am often asked where I find my ideas. Well, ideas is quite a compliment as I would more accurately describe them as irrational thoughts carelessly transferred into text (most often in Arial as I quite like the plainness of this font) and then irresponsibly published on either paper or in the gaseous cloud we have come to call the internet. My ultimate aim is to be published on either papyrus or granite, but I am told that this idea is rather backward looking.

Anyway, I have digressed from the title of this blog post.

To cut to the quick of it, I have discovered that by some strange freak of nature and clearly a small mix up in my DNA processing, I have ended up with and extra and rather odd gland. It is located quite inconveniently in my right cheek, and tends to swell at the most embarrassing of times. Over the years I have learned to have some limited control over it. If I grit my teeth firmly shut, the gland tends to stay quiet and flaccid. But if I allow my teeth to part, my tongue immediately goes into action and titillates the gland to a lumpy, cheeky sort of lump protruding from my right jowl.

In this state it is almost impossible to speak, although guffawing is possible with some effort. With limited oral communicative ability I find that it is the best time for me to get a pen or a keyboard and start writing pronto.

After conducting a lot of research over a period of about two minutes, I discovered that I may not be the only person in the world with this extra gland affliction. (Check the accompanying picture as proof.) I am happy about this, because I really do not want to feel as though I am a singular freak of nature.

Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
Derek on Twitter
Derek's Author Page