Derek Haines's blog

Banks!

Banks!

I see the gaunt unsmiling face of my neighbour every night,
Trudging back from his day at work, struggling with all his might.
To make a meek existence, to feed and clothe and house,
His much beloved family, and his ever loving spouse.

But as I gaze at this tired young man, working out his heart,
I wonder what he is slaving for, and will he ever start,
To analyse his life he has, and who he is working for.
And why it is that he will be, forever simply poor.

A glance at his statement, of his mortgage from the bank,
Will show the monthly interest, going to the tank,
Of fat cats in the boardroom, in the city far away,
Nine tenths or more of his hard earned cash, disappears their way.

And even though the taxman, slugs him once a week,
He is glad to see that what is left, will keep him on his feet.
Just topping up a little, with his trusty credit card,
To buy his son a birthday gift, and a lovely little card.

And still he trudges on, with the hope, that one day soon,
He will be approved for another card, as the one he’s got balloons,
Just shy of the limit the bank will bear, and still the bills come in,
He knows but will deny, he is at the moneylender’s whim.

So work each day you tired young man, but one day you may see,
My smiling face next door to you, and maybe just ask me,
Why is it that I’m relaxed, and enjoy my life with thanks,
It’s because I pay no interest to those greedy “bloody” banks.


Derek Haines 14th May 1998

Published in:
Loss, Limbo, Life and Love
Author: Derek Haines
ISBN/EAN13: 1449531261 / 9781449531263

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Two Kinds Of Money

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Have you noticed that there are two distinct forms of money? Now I don’t mean currencies like dollars, yen and francs. What I mean is that there is a countable form of money, and an uncountable form of money. (Well, sounds a bit like grammar really. Countable and uncountable nouns.)

In my own case, as I am sure it is with you, I deal in countable money. That is to say that my telephone bill, electricity bill and meagre earnings are countable. 65.75, 89.23, and -150.00. Even if I compound my life’s earnings and expenditure, I still remain in the countable form of money. The kind that is round, ‘to go ‘round’ and flat ‘to stack’.

However in the last year or so, our daily news has been delivering countless stories of uncountable money. Losses accumulated by banks now total a zillion, trillion, quadrillion megabillions. And to offset this, governments around our ever more money hungry world have been throwing zillions of trillions of quadrillions of megabillions at these poor banks in the hope that one fine day soon, these banks will be able to pay taxes of a zillion, trillion, quadrillion megabillions back to these governments.

All makes perfect sense really.

Oh! By the way and just in passing. Message to the EU and US central banks.

I am a bit short this month. Any chance of lending me 50 bucks so I can feed myself?

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Working Nine to Five. Sucks!

Not a very pleasant title for a blog post, but it seems to reflect my mood rather well today. For those readers a little familiar with my habits, you will know that I like to see myself as a specialist in laziness. However, I probably give the wrong impression. I am extremely hard working when it comes to writing, editing, scheming, dreaming and what resembles thinking. But only when I get into the mood. Sometimes this can be at a reasonable hour such as eleven am. Or an unreasonable hour such as two am.

So with this said, it becomes clear that I really have trouble when it comes to regulating myself to work in a fixed time period.

I often gaze at the bus stop below me, and see the poor souls waiting in the freezing cold at seven-thirty am. All moving their feet trying to keep their circulation going until the bus finally arrives. Then knowing they have to do the same thing all over again at the train station. If that is not enough, they know that they have to repeat it in reverse at five-thirty to get back home. Five days a week.

In between these times of icy cattle class peak hour public transport pain, they have to give one hundred percent attention to working. Switching on at nine, and switching off at five. This is how our world of economic miracles and consumerism has been designed.

Well! I think it really sucks! No matter what I do, I just do not want to ever do that again. So I have sentenced myself to work when I want at what I want. And in doing so, I know I work harder and longer that the poor sods at the bus stop, and make less money.

But I am happy. Um, by the way. Is there any chance of borrowing five bucks? I’m a little short this week.

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Can You Spare Me A Trillion?

My personal understanding of economy is ‘spend less than you earn’. This motto has always kept me out of financial trouble and even prepared me for those rainy days that seem to happen along from time to time. To my mind it is simple responsibility and common sense.

If for some reason I forget to pay a bill, or run a little short from one month to another, there is always someone ready to remind me of my responsibilities and send me a polite reminder, or in some cases mild threats and intimidation. Read banks and tax officers here. However, I don’t mind. It’s all part and parcel of our credit, boom and bust, consume as much as you can on your Visa card economic miracle we call capitalism. We all know what happened to the other economic model in 1989, don’t we?

So I was hardly surprised to read last week that the home of the capitalism miracle, the US of A has issued their budget for 2011. However it seems just a little bit light on for income, and a bit heavy on the spending and credit card side. Only to the tune of $1.7 trillion.

ONE POINT SEVEN TRILLION DAMN DOLLARS!! How much is that anyway? I have no idea. May as well be 100 to the power of infinity. Up to now I thought Trillion was a character in a Douglas Adams novel. Oh that’s right, her name was Trillian. Close anyway.

The cool thing though, is that someone is going to want this money back at some stage surely. And who is going to receive the bill? Ha! No prizes for guessing. The whole population of this global economy that we used to call the world, that’s who.

Economics. Ah! One of my favourite fantasy reads.

Derek's Vandal Blog
www.derekhaines.ch
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